From the Later Journals

1961 - 8/26

 

Sunday morning meditation. Had a feeling of Cosmic devotion which grew from visualized concept of the devotee being in Love with the Cosmic Director and Producer of the drama of activity - daily role in life - and our return to be alone with him between performances - (meditation) and recollection during activity. But when alone to be so in love that all is forgotten. How unlike one in love to think of anything when with the betrothed. Only love - making - with the Divine - and it is pure joy through devotion that becomes Cosmic. When self and all else is forgotten the light come softly shining!

1961 - 7/13

 

My Guru - so Wonderful - after so long. grew conscious and was awake as from him poured on, rather streamed, great vibrations across but through every atom of my body - subtle currents that caused the OM both in sound and in feeling to increase to a great volume in me - through me and a divine contentment and happiness with it - Greater as it was greater. I seemed able to keep receptive to it by not letting thoughts intrude, as one feels a shower down and over one, this was through me from back and streamed within. How words miss the wonderful feeling that is a part of any Holy vibration. My Divine Guru - thank You!

1961 - 11/17

 

Meditated deeply late in night until I felt God's joy. Then early, awoke looking into scene in 3rd eye - inner sight. Saw a garden scene illumined with light so bright that on earth I never have beheld any like it. Oh the light - I looked in happy amazement at the lovely scene in living light. I tried to go into the garden (further) and my effort caused the scene to vanish.

1959 - 9/29

 

Awoke with that magic joy I can't describe. First awakening exactly like this in a very long time.

1959 - 7/25

 

July 25 - This Morning after Kriya and watching the sun rise - a great golden ball over Ben Lomond - I opened the A.Y. to these words: 'When your book is finished I shall pay you a visit.' from chap. 36 of 'Babaji's Interest in the West.'

1961 - 7/14

 

Sometime this morning I dreamed of Master - again after so long - We were alone and I was so happy with him. He walked across the room sat in a chair, turned away from me and meditated. I meditated at once in middle of room - I saw and felt joy through what looked like a beautiful fire of tall flames beginning as a fire at the base of my spine and rising to my shoulders - it being of 'light' not 'heat' but could not cause it to become a bonfire for I sensed I was not in spiritual condition to lift it from the cervical into the christ center to merge into it. Afterwards Master again visited with me. Other parts of dreams - including my thinking of what Master would say if he lectured on 'flowers' he has spoken of them so often.

1961 - 7/2

 

Early July: I had restless mental thoughts real early and prayed for Master's help (couldn't feel uplift) - and asked him for 'spiritual company to remind me,' as he said this is our all - important help. Fell asleep and dreamed Sister Mrinalini was sitting in lotus posture on the bare floor at this cottage, and we were talking of the all - day meditation conducted at times by Daya in India - and she said, afterwards - 'I don't need to go to church on Sundays to feel holiness all the time.' I feel her sweet presence now - after waking. Had not thought of her since June, until my dream. I feel the peace I sought - and uplift within.

1960 - 4/29

 

Tonight I prayed to God and Guru to be able to again forget the body in meditation and in a little while my prayer was realized. Oh this means so much to me. I had become incased through so many things and for so long a time.

1960 - 2/21

 

Dream of Master. I woke so glad I had been with him. Others were there - including Daya and Mataji - Master gave me two silver crosses, seemingly for cuff - links in a blouse - similar to cross he gave me on a necklace - but I noted they were real silver and when waking the gift part was not important - but my Guru's presence gave me uplift I have needed - Have so loved the being with him.

1960 - 11/17

 

Meditating today - I affirmed my plan: 'Stop trying to resolve the problems in life. Stop trying to understand the inconsistence in life and the cruelties - especially to animals, but all kinds. Abandon Sankalpa.' Time so spent takes time from God - spends one's energy to no avail. After my above affirnation I felt a tremendous sense of well being.